Will Smith admitted in his memoir that being made to feel like a coward was ‘my most violent trigger’ in a passage which helps explain why he slapped Chris Rock at the Oscars.

Smith wrote that seeing his father brutally beat up his mother when he was nine years old ‘defined who I am today more than any other moment.’

The Men in Black star admitted that he ‘always thought of myself as a coward’ for failing to intervene in the beating.

He called his father a ‘violent alcoholic’ and said that he considered suicide because of the shame at not standing up to him.

Smith’s admissions in ‘Will’, which was released last November, sheds new light on his actions at the Oscars that shocked the world.

Will Smith shocked the world Sunday night when he slapped Chris Rock on the Oscars stage for making a joke about his wife Jada Pinkett Smith

In a telling passage from his memoir ‘Will’, the actor wrote that being made to feel like a coward was ‘my most violent trigger. He admitted he ‘always thought of myself as a coward’ for failing to intervene when his alcoholic father brutally beat his mother. Will is pictured with his parents

Will Smith SLAPS Chris Rock at the Oscars over joke about Jada

He slapped Rock after the comedian joked about Smith’s wife Jada Pinkett Smith being bald – in fact her shaved head is due to alopecia.

As Rock presented the Oscar for best documentary, Smith walked up on stage in the unscripted moment and slapped him with his right hand.

Smith’s admissions in ‘Will’, which was released in November last year, shed new light on his actions at the Oscars which shocked the world

While Smith’s actions had split viewers and commentators, his reasons for acting the way he did are apparent in his memoir.

Viewers saw Smith sitting upright in his chair, eyes bulging with rage as he told Rock: ‘Keep my wife’s name out of your f***ing mouth’.

In ‘Will’, Smith recalled how when his career as a rapper began to dwindle, being pushed out by DJ Jazzy Jeff, his longtime collaborator, hurt him deeply.

Smith wrote that the episode ‘activated my most violent trigger: I’d been fighting all my life not to be a coward.’

Smith traces it back to watching his own father Willard Smith Sr beat up his mother when he was a child and was haunted by guilt for the rest of his life.

Smith wrote that he has ‘always thought of myself as a coward’ for failing to intervene in these incidents.

Smith recalled one horrific episode when he was nine when he ‘watched my father punch my mother on the side of her head so hard that she collapsed’.

He wrote: ‘I saw her spit blood. That moment, in that bedroom, probably more than any other moment, has defined who I am today’.

In a now highly relevant part he went on: ‘Within everything I have done since then – the award and accolades, the spotlights and the attention, the characters and the laughs, there has been a subtle string of apologies to my mother for my inaction that day.

‘For failing her in that moment. For failing to stand up to my father. For being a coward’.

Smith admitted in the book that his father – who he called ‘Daddio’ – was ‘violent, he was an alcoholic’ but he was also at every ‘game, play or recital’.

In ‘Will’, Smith recalled how when his career as a rapper began to dwindle, being pushed out by DJ Jazzy Jeff, his longtime collaborator, hurt him deeply.  Pictured together in 1986

Jada supported her husband after he defended her by striding on to stage to smack Rock. They’re pictured at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party

Will Smith holds Oscar at Vanity Fair party after slapping Chris Rock

Willard was sober at every one of Smith’s movie premieres as well and he still regarded him as his ‘hero’.

But Smith wrote that because of his father he always felt ‘haunted by an agonizing sense that I am failing the women I love’.

Smith wrote that he would ‘always do too much’ in his relationships and was ‘desperately trying to please’ his partner.

As a result he became a ‘pleaser’ and developed his public persona – as an entertainer and actor.

Smith wrote that when he was 13 his father hit his mother for the last time and it was one of two times in his life when he considered suicide.

Smith’s difficult relationship with other men erupted when Jada became friends with the late rapper Tupac Shakur, a friendship which Smith says ‘tortured’ him.

Smith felt that Tupac was more manly and he had a ‘raging jealousy’ towards him that made him feel ‘inadequate’.

When Jada chose Smith he felt it was a ‘twisted kind of victory’ which left him feeling ashamed of himself.

Smith appeared to allude to his inner turmoil in his acceptance speech for the Best Actor Oscar when he talked about ‘protecting’ his family.

He said that for his mother ‘a lot of this moment is really complicated for me’.

Smith said: ‘I know to do what we do, you’ve got to be able to take abuse, have people talk crazy about you. In this business you’ve got to be able to have people disrespecting you.

‘You’ve got to smile and pretend like it’s OK.’